What IF We Weren't Severed?
We do not share the same reality... but what if we did?
Before I get to this week’s blog, can I update you quickly on something with our church plant?
We’re shifting to a new location this Sunday!
I mentioned in my previous post that a couple things appeared to be coming together last week that were evidence of God’s unique provision for Union Athens.
At some point, I’ll list out all the ways he has taken care of us over the last couple years. I’ve been around ministry and church planting for a long time. I’ve joked with several people recently, I basically grew up in a church plant.
I know how things usually go.
The things that have come through for Union Athens over and over just don’t happen.
That’s a big reason why I’m still in it after multiple profoundly painful losses in the early days of attempting to see this kind of church established in our city.
Here’s yet another:
We heard, about a month ago, that we’d need to find a new space. Over three-plus years of doing ministry in Athens, this will be my fifth location change. I know where the local schools stand. I know the unique parameters that the seemingly perfect theatre requires to rent.
I know every commercial space for lease in the city and beyond. I know what agents won’t call me back, and I know which ones won’t call me back a second time, after I tell them I’m with a church.
The short version of our current move is that a friend in a different city suggested I call a particular kind of business. That business didn’t have space, but providentially suggested an organization that does, that they often rent from! I called the organization, the local YWCO, and not only do they have space, but they were eager to help!
So, this Sunday we’ll worship in a great space for us, with an awesome playground and kids’ area… AND we’ll do so on our side of town… a side of town where our particular church tradition has no current congregation… a side of town that may well jive with our mission better than any other… (a side of town that we weren’t even considering when we were moving here, but we came to believe God placed us in it).
So, please, come worship and celebrate God’s provision with us this week!
3 PM in the YWCO “Clubhouse”- just to the left and behind the main building!
And now for the blog…
In our current cultural moment (and by moment, I’m referring to probably the last decade as well as literally “right now”) one of the most difficult things for any of us to grapple with, no matter our perspective, is that we do not share the same reality.
If you don’t watch the Apple TV series “Severance” you have a year to get caught up on the first two seasons, to join all the fun with the rest of us. The big idea is that the characters within the show undergo a procedure that “severs” their consciousness at work from their consciousness in the rest of life. It might sound like a great idea, but to say the least, things are a bit more complex than they seem.
Without any spoilers, one thing that becomes clear as the series moves forward, is that these two versions of a character have wildly different realities, even though it is ostensibly the same person! Though we not dealing with our work and home selves severed into separate realities, something like this has been our collective experience in America, and the western world, and perhaps much of planet earth these days.
We are not merely interpreting life differently.
We have different understandings of what is, and therefore have largely become severed from those who don’t share our reality.
It’s not that we can’t have relationship. I think many people have worked very hard to maintain friendships and family connections throughout this great cultural upheaval. But much of what makes it hard work is that we essentially have to table many topics that we might deem significant or important, and keep the conversation to weather, or the new quarterback’s completion percentage, or what the kids are up to these days.
And even then, one must be careful, or the whole thing can go careening off the cliff of controversial subject matter and into our severed realities!
I’ve thought and read and prayed about what it might look like to bridge these gaps for years. I am sure others have, as well. I’m no expert here. I’m just a pastor of a very small crew. And I’ve blown it probably a million times in this realm. I do wonder if a couple small shifts in our communication together might make a difference, though.
I wrote last week about dropping the buzz words, or labels. I think that would go a long way. My experience in day to day life is that average people are not foaming-at-the-mouth-angry to the same degree we see it online or on TV. In fact, often people seem to agree about a lot. So, in short, I think it would help, when our conversations veer into controversial territory, to seek to eliminate labels, and simply try to understand the other person in the terms they are using (which also probably means trying not to use even the buzzwords we think of as positive identifiers for ourselves).
I wonder if a second step might simply be the word “if.”
When we find ourselves unable to agree about what to do, because we don’t even believe the same things are, or are happening… and our sources for even understanding what is, or what is happening contradict each other and call each other liars, I think perhaps our only way through is this little conjunction.
Let’s create an imaginary scenario to illustrate:
I am currently looking out at my backyard from my office window. I am not standing in the midst of it, but I know it has a lot of weeds right now. Imagine that someone walks into the yard and yells up to me, “This is Bermuda grass! Don’t pull it out!”
I could yell down to him all I want about the weeds. He could lose his temper and scream at me about the beautiful turf. Neither one is going to convince the other. We both think we know what we know.
However, I could agree that I definitely would not try to pull it up, if it was Bermuda grass.
That if is doing a lot of work.
I’m still convinced that I see what I see, but the conversation could shift.
Because if you’re seeing things correctly, and I am not, and if we often, largely agree when we remove the labels from one another, then the conversation can shift away from who sees things accurately, and shift toward how we might move forward if we shared one another’s perception of reality.
I become far less of a monster when I can say, “Yes, if you’re seeing it correctly, I’d probably proceed in similar fashion.” And, if I’m no longer a monster, hellbent on lawn annihilation, perhaps we might even begin to have conversations about those perceptions… how we’re reaching them… and how we might learn from one another.
This requires some imagination. After all, I’m not inclined to tell you that what I see as a blue sky is actually any other color. I am not inclined to even entertain it. But if my family were being torn apart over it, I hope I’d be willing to imagine that if the sky were a different color, I might see things differently.
If my neighbor is being treated fairly, great!
But if they were being harmed, I’d want to be helpful.
If my neighbor is innocent of crime, great!
But if they are harming others, I’d want it to be dealt with swiftly.
Of course, even shared reality won’t always end up in agreement, but if you can hear me affirm something that sounds human, then I can become human to you, and if I could be human, perhaps we could begin a conversation about what is, and how we each go about learning what is, and maybe, maybe, maybe we’d begin to share a bit of reality.
There’s no guarantee.
Perhaps we are fully locked into views of reality utterly mediated by diametrically opposed forces. Perhaps the sky really is purple to me, and I’ll just never be swayed. But maybe I’d be open to your perspective in some other respect if you had told me “Yeah, if the sky were purple, I might wear different sunglasses too.”
Maybe.
At this point, I think it’s worth a shot, because at this point, I think just about anything is worth a shot.
Here’s one more thought about how “if” could perhaps help us.
I think it has to start with us admitting that if others are right about reality, we might agree about how to move forward.
I don’t think it will work to say “What if I’m right? Wouldn’t you admit that my side’s plan is the way forward, if so?!”
I don’t think it will work to use “if” manipulatively either. If I give you an “if” just to try to extract one out of you, because of how wrong you are, and how much I need you to see my side, my guess is that it will backfire… horribly.
But if I can merely offer the concession that I’d probably think the same things if I saw reality the same way (without resorting to any buzzwords or labels for you) then maybe there’s a path forward for us together.
Maybe.
What do you think?